Jamie’s Car Buying Experience

IMG_2730

So the used car shopping is quite the experience. Thankfully we were not rushed to make a decision. We waited for the right car and after the first two months of car ownership, Jamie still loves it. God came through and I am very thankful.

I wanted to document our resources in case we ever have to do this again:

My brother pointed us to kkb.com which is the Kelly Blue Book site. That was very helpful and also carcomplaints.com which also took a lot of the guess work out of knowing one bad model or year from another. A friend also gave us Edmunds.com which is a site the used car salesman use to find internet deals from other dealerships. I contacted AAA because they have a car buying service for their customers but they didn’t deal with car in the price range we were looking. I may use them if I ever need a different car.

Congratulations to Jamie for another giant step into adulthood!

Mystery Quilt from the AQG Show 2017

Mystery Quilt Challenge

The quilting guild, Nimble Thimbles, here in Arizona did a six month mystery quilt. They were given 1 clue per month. These are some of the completed quilts. It is fun to see how different fabrics change the look of this pattern. It was entitled the Cat’s Meow; I’m not sure if that is the name of the pattern or not. Nice job ladies.

Reblog: Denial of Dependency

by Henry Cloud

Children don’t like to be reminded that they need anyone but themselves. They want to make their own decisions, solve their own problems and never have to ask you for help or support. They want independence so badly that they will often get into serious trouble before letting their parents know what’s going on.

Two kinds of dependency often get confused here. Functional dependency relates to the child’s resistance to doing the tasks and jobs in life that are his responsibility. This means he wants others to take care of things he should. For example, a teen asks his parents for spending money instead of getting a part-time job. Don’t enable functional dependency. Allow the teen to feel the pinch of being broke. It will help him apply for work.

Relational dependency is our need for connectedness to others. Relational dependency is what drives us to unburden our souls to each other and be vulnerable and needy. Then, when we are loved by others in this state of need, we are filled up inside. Because they need so much, children are especially relationally dependent. Over time, as they internalize important nurturing relationships, they need less; the love they have internalized from Mom and Dad and others sustains them. Yet, to our dying day we will always need regular and deep connection with emotionally healthy people who care about us.

You need to promote and encourage relational dependency in your child to teach him that mature, healthy people need other people; they don’t isolate themselves. Your child may also confuse the two types of dependency, thinking that if he asks for comfort and understanding, he is being a baby. Help him see that needing love isn’t being immature. Rather, it gives us the energy we need to go out and slay our dragons.

You see that your child has a problem, but he may isolate himself in his omnipotent self-sufficiency. It’s the old “How was your day?” “Okay” dialogue. Confront he isolation. Tell him you don’t want to lecture him – you want to know how he’s feeling. Don’t enable his illusion of not needing others.

One way you can help here is by waiting until you are invited to help. If you rush in and pick up a kid who falls down before she cries for you, she can easily develop a stance that I am so powerful that I don’t need mom, as she doesn’t have to take responsibility for asking for help. Let her choose to ask. It’s not easy to watch and wait while your child gets to the end of herself. It tears at any caring parent’s heart. But it is only way the child can realize her need for support and love, and her lack of total power to live without it.

While your child is learning how to need others, help him not to feel helpless in relationships. Encourage him to express his wants, needs and opinions to those with whom he is close. This is true especially in his relationship with you. He didn’t choose to be in your family; that was your decision. He can have some choices in how to relate to you, however. For example, give him some leeway in establishing his own rhythm of when he needs to be close and when he needs distance from you. Don’t be intrusive and affectionate when he clearly needs to be more separate. Yet don’t abandon him when he needs more intimacy. Another example is to encourage him to share his feedback on family activities. He has input, and his input matters even though he doesn’t have the final say-so.

Find the original article here.

Reblog: How to Maintain Your Sense of Self in Relationships

by Sharon Martin, LCSW

Do you seem to get swallowed up in relationships? Does your sense of self disappear when you’re strongly attached to someone else? This “loss of self” happens, whether you’ve been married for decades or are newly dating, when the other person or relationship become your identity.

You become all about the other person. Your needs get sidelined while the other person’s needs and interests take center stage. Your mission becomes making him/her happy (regardless of your own feelings). You focus on what s/he wants to do. You stop pursuing your hobbies, seeing your friends and family, and you defer to what s/he wants.

Dependency is healthy; codependency is not

Instead of being “Mary”, your identity becomes “Mary, Jim’s girlfriend” or simply “Jim’s girlfriend”. This feels good, especially during the intensity of the beginning of a relationship. In fact, this obsession of sorts is quite normal in the early stages of a new-found love. It’s not healthy, however, when it’s one-sided; when your partner isn’t equally interested in giving and pleasing you.

You may feel you’ve willingly made these compromises. Or you may not have even noticed that you were giving up parts of yourself. Often this is a pattern that’s been repeated in relationships your entire life and you may not have had a strong sense of your interests or priorities to begin with.

For others, this may have happened due to your partner’s jealousy or manipulation. In other words, you were pressured into giving up parts of yourself and you fear losing the relationship if you don’t keep him/her happy.

You can maintain your sense of self in relationships by:

  • Knowing what you like and what matters to you
  • Asking for what you want, rather than always deferring to his/her wants
  • Spending time with your own friends and family
  • Pursuing your goals
  • Staying true to your values
  • Making time for your hobbies and interests
  • Saying “no” when something really doesn’t work or feel good to you
  • Spending time by yourself
  • Not keeping yourself “small” or hidden to please others

Why stay true to yourself in a relationship?

What do you imagine will happen if you keep yourself hidden in your relationships? Will your resentments grow and fester? Will this be a satisfying relationship long-term? Will you miss out on achieving your goals? Will your health suffer? Will your friends and family miss you? Will the world be deprived of your unique gifts?

Inter-dependence or healthy dependence involves two complete individuals who come together to support each other. From this inter-dependency, you develop trust and safety that helps you navigate through the world, but you’re not reliant on the other person or the relationship for your identity or self-worth. In secure relationships, partners support each other in pursuing their own interests and other friendships. They aren’t jealous or demanding. Couples need time together and time apart. In other words, loving, trusting relationships are important, but they needn’t overshadow YOU.

Read the original post here.

 

2017 Arizona Quilters Guild Quilt Show (part 2)

These next quilts are some of my favorites that didn’t pertain to this years theme. Good job people on the wonderful art you have created. Congratulations to the prize winners.

IMG_2566

Artist: Ann E. Hall

Artist: Frances Murphy

Artist: Frances Murphy

Artist: Carol Collett

Artist: Carol Collett

Artist: Joanne Reiter

Artist: Joanne Reiter

Artist: Pat Olsen

Artist: Pat Olsen

Artist: Cynthia Lynn

Artist: Cynthia Lynn

Artist: Carol Collett

Artist: Carol Collett

Artist: Kathy O'Brien

Artist: Kathy O’Brien

Artist: Linda Schoenfeld

Linda Schoenfeld

Artist: Kate Glen

Artist: Kate Glen

Artist: Polly Law

Artist: Polly Law

Artist: Monika Hancock

Artist: Monika Hancock

Artist: Barbara Janson

Artist: Barbara Janson

Artist: LeAnn Hileman

Artist: LeAnn Hileman

Artist: Linda Aiken

Artist: Linda Aiken

Artist: Maureen Tollman

Artist: Maureen Tollman

Artist: Judith Ritner

Artist: Judith Ritner

Artist: Bobby Levy-Dodge

Artist: Bobby Levy-Dodge

Artist: Sally Roy

Artist: Sally Roy

Artist: Judith Salb

Artist: Judith Salb

Artist: Ann L. Petersen

Artist: Ann L. Petersen

2017 Arizona Quilters Guild Quilt Show

This years annual show was Salute America. In this post I will share my favorite American themed quilts. They were all different sizes and in different categories for judging. The quilting on some was amazing. A pleasure for me to look at. Enjoy!

Artist: Elaine Putnam

Artist:  Elaine Putnam

Artist: Lynn Miller

Artist: Lynn Miller

Artist: Christine Mahon

Artist: Christine Mahon

Artist: Jo Hahn

Artist: Jo Hahn

Artist: Donna Hilliard

Artist: Donna Hilliard

Artist: Lois Wendling

Artist: Lois Wendling

Artist: Susan Greenwell

Artist: Susan Greenwell

Artist: Carolyn Edwards

Artist: Carolyn Edwards

Artist: Diana Middendorf

Artist: Diana Middendorf

Artist:  Pam Gagnier

Artist:  Karin Scanlon

Artist: Nancy Parlova

Artist: Nancy Parlova

Artist: Ruth Guinn

Artist: Ruth Guinn

Artist: Karista Zeghers

Artist: Karista Zeghers

Artist: Ann McCage

Artist: Ann McCage

Artist: Maureen Pastika

Artist: Maureen Pastika

Artist: Jeannie Rogers

Artist: Jeannie Rogers

Artist: Linda Visnaw

Artist: Linda Visnaw

Wickenburg, AZ (in the rain)

Last Saturday the kids and I did a day trip to Wickenburg, AZ. I had only ever been there one time before and that was maybe 15 years ago. It is a rather small town with a western feel about an hour north east of Phoenix. They have an excellent Western museum in their down town shopping area. I enjoyed it very much. There were quilts on display (always a favorite),  lots of western art including paintings, pencil drawings, sculptures, the history of the saddle and many examples of the progression through time and in the lower floor a diorama of an old western town. I liked the almost 4 foot cowboy boot. It was a nice way to celebrate my birthday with my kids.

 

 

TED Reblog: Should emotions be taught in schools?

by 

Our unresolved, unacknowledged feelings can lead us into anxiety, arguments and worse. Some educators believe it’s time to give our kids emotional instruction along with their ABCs.

Who taught you how to identify and manage your emotions, how to recognize them when they arose and navigate your way through them? For many adults, the answer is: No one. You hacked your way through those confusing thickets on your own. Although navigating our inner landscape was not something that was taught to us in school, it should be, contend a number of researchers. They believe emotional skills should rank as high in importance in children’s educations as math, reading, history and science.

Why do emotions matter? Research has found that people who are emotionally skilled perform better in school, have better relationships, and engage less frequently in unhealthy behaviors. Plus, as more and more jobs are becoming mechanized, so-called soft skills — which include persistence, stress management and communication — are seen as a way to make humans irreplaceable by machine. There has been a growing effort in American schools to teach social and emotional learning (SEL), but these tend to emphasize interpersonal skills like cooperation and communication.

Kids are often taught to ignore or cover over their emotions. Many Western societies view emotions as an indulgence or distraction, says University of California-Santa Barbara sociologist Thomas Scheff, a proponent of emotional education. Our emotions can give us valuable information about the world, but we’re often taught or socialized not to listen to them. Just as dangerous, Scheff says, is the practice of hiding one emotion behind another. He has found that men, in particular, tend to hide feelings of shame under anger, aggression and, far too often, violence.

How does one go about teaching emotions? One of the most prominent school programs for teaching about emotions is RULER, developed in 2005 by Marc Brackett, David Caruso and Robin Stern of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. The multiyear program is used in more than 1,000 schools, in the US and abroad, across grades K-8. The name, RULER, is an acronym for its five goals: recognizing emotions in oneself and others; understanding the causes and consequences of emotions; labeling emotional experiences with an accurate and diverse vocabulary; and expressing and regulating emotions in ways that promote growth.

As a strategy, children are taught to focus on the underlying theme of an emotion rather than getting lost in trying to define it. When an emotion grips you, explains Stern, understanding its thematic contours can help “name it to tame it.” Even though anger is experienced differently by different people, she explains, “the theme underlying anger is the same. It’s injustice or unfairness. The theme that underlies disappointment is an unmet expectation. The theme that underlies frustration is feeling blocked on your way to a goal. Pinning down the theme can “help a person be seen and understood and met where she is,” says Stern.

RULER’s lessons are woven into all classes and subjects. So, for example, if “elated’ is the emotional vocabulary word under discussion, a teacher would ask students in an American history class to link “elated” to the voyage of Lewis and Clark. Instruction reaches beyond the classroom, too; kids are prompted to talk with their parents or caregivers about when they last felt elated. Researchers at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence has found RULER schools tend to see less-frequent bullying, lower anxiety and depression, more student leadership and higher grades. So why isn’t emotional education the norm rather than the exception?

Surprising fact: While scientists and educators agree on the need to teach emotions, they don’t agree on how many there are and what they are. RULER’s curriculum consists of hundreds of “feeling words,” including curious, ecstatic, hopeless, frustrated, jealous, relieved and embarrassed. Other scholars’ lists of emotions have ranged in number from two to eleven. Scheff suggests starting students out with six: grief, fear, anger, pride, shame and excessive fatigue.

While psychology began to be studied as a science more than a century ago, up to now it has focused more on identifying and treating disorders. Scheff, who has spent years studying one taboo emotion — shame — and its destructive impact on human actions, admits, “We don’t know much about emotions, even though we think we do, and that goes for the public and for researchers.” Or, as Virginia Woolf so beautifully put it, “The streets of London have their map; but our passions are uncharted.”

Parents can start to encourage their kids’ emotional awareness with a simple prompt “Tell me about some of your best moments,” a phrase Scheff has used to initiate discussions with his university students. But he and Stern agree that schools can’t wait until academics have sorted out the name and number of emotions before they act. “We know we have emotions all day long, whether we’re aware of them or not,” Stern points out. Let’s teach kids how to ride those moment-by-moment waves, instead of getting tossed around.

find the original post here.

My Love Note Quilt

img_2343

I just finished hanging this new quilt I made for Valentine’s Day. I need to finish hand quilting the empty spaces between the envelopes but I wanted to get it up so that I could enjoy it this week. The pattern comes from the Missouri Star Quilt Co and their quick video tutorials on You Tube.

SBC Sermon: Adjustments

scbible

This was a great sermon from the series, Adjustments, from the book of John. It was helpful to differentiate the common mistakes people make about the act of judgement. How do we handle these situations? The Bible uses the word judgement in many places, however you will see that the Greek words used have different meanings from our English word for judgement. Take a listen.

sermon (dated October 2, 2016)